Pain.

I wait around all day for a text that will never come. A text that will brighten my day. But happiness is not for me. Never will it be. I hurt everywhere, physically and mentally. I'm done. I've deleted everyone from facebook and I will never go on it ever again or any other social networking site. I am dead now.

Repetitive

Lonely

Lonely

Lonely

Lonely

Lonely

Lonely

Please Be Worth It.

I want to die so badly. I'm tired of everything. I have no friends; no one that cares about me. I need someone to stay up with me until i literally fall asleep. I can't do this on my own. But nobody cares, so I guess I'll just kill myself. Its hard to breathe when you know that the oxygen you are inhaling shouldn't be wasted on you. There's nothing left of me. Nothing to give, nothing to take. I wish there was an easy way to end my life, but everything seems so hard or tricky to do. I've done my research. It's not even that I want/need a girlfriend anymore. I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me everything will be alright. The love of my life left me 3 months ago and I've been empty ever since. Now that she is gone, I have no future. She was my future. I was going to marry her and spend every waking moment making sure she was happy. But she's gone, doing who knows what. I don't think she loves me anymore, or even cares to think about me. Which is alright I guess. She moved on, I'm still on the floor face down from when i fell to my knees. I don't believe in "God" anymore. "God" doesn't provide any faith to me so why should I waste my time with Him. I don't believe in anything anymore. Not hope, love, God, strength, or succeeding in anything. However, I do believe in Hell, because I've been there, many times. I believe that some people are meant to suffer. That some people are born to cry. I just drew the short straw. Its hard to believe that It's almost been two years since I've been out of the mental hospital. I want to go back though. It's the only place I've ever felt safe. I don't want to be here anymore, not in this house, or in this world. I want this suffering to end. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of staying up until 2am because I'm afraid of what will happen if I lay in my bed. This night, like most nights, will be hard, and I don't know how I will make it. I envy the people who sleep good, and wake up feeling alive. I want that. My scars and new carved cuts hurt right now, I haven't felt this much pain in a long time. But they are on my legs, where no one can judge me. I'll keep this hidden until the day I die. Because people won't help me, so why ask them. I will never be loved...be wanted...be needed, by anyone. I am useless. I want to trade my life in, even though I know it's not worth much in value.But maybe someday I'll wake up and this will all just be a dream, A dream within a dream. Recurring over and over in my head, trying to make sense of what has happened in my life. A dream in which the hero really does get the girl in the end this time. A movie where good prevails over evil. A life that's worth living.



Sidenote:

September Villaverde helped me so much last night. I really have to thank her for that. There was a good two or three hours where I was going crazy and she distracted me long enough to calm myself down. It was hard after we stopped talking, but not nearly as hard as it would have been if we didn't talk at all. Here's too you Tem Tem.

Dead

Everyone is gone from my life, I am alone. Completely.

Somebody

Be there for me,
Through thick and thin,
Love and hate,
Fear and fun,
Good and bad.

One Step Beyond.

I'm so lonely. I need a friend. I have no one. I don't want to breathe. I don't want to move. I don't want to think. I don't want to take one step beyond what I have too.