Fuck.

I am alone. No one is here for me. No one cares for me. I am alone. I'm back to cutting myself. I wrote fuck up on my legs. I'm like a artist now right? I have to remind myself of that everyday. I'm a letdown and a fuck up. I'm ugly and stupid. Even she thinks so. I can tell. She would never give me a chance. So fuck it. Fuck everything.

For Love's Sake

I just wanted to pour my heart out right now and tell you exactly how I feel. Ive decided that there is something better out there. Something better that can make me happy. Something so beautiful. That something is you. For four years I haven't missed a day that you weren't on my mind. I can't stop it. And I don't think it ever will. I would ask you to give me a chance. I know I'm not your type. I don't smoke and drink and I'm not 30. But if you feel like we wouldn't work as much as I say we would then prove me wrong. You'll be surprised at what you find. I want to be there for you and take care of you. Wake up next to you and give you security. This world can be a dark place but it would be a whole lot less dark if you were next to me taking this journey. So come on, let's give this a shot. For loves sake.

Broken

I don't have any friends. I am breaking down. I just need to talk to someone. Please. I'm broken.

I Let You Down

I saw you yesterday for the time in years. You were everything I remembered , good and bad. You glowed in the day as if everything else was dark. You spoke with the passion of 20 lifetimes. Everything  was right in the world. I was next to you, and you were next to me.

I know you are probably at some point going to see this. I am trying to be as honest as I can be. I still love you. I still care about you. And I still dream about you.

You deserve to have someone better than what you've had. Someone that can give you the world. I want to be that person, but i just don't think you will see that. I am sorry I let you down. I will do my best to be better and support you any way I can. To guide you through the mud. To show you the stars that are behind the dirt and clouds. To hold you when you are scared. I may have let you down before, but I want to make it up to you now. We have so much more to do in this life. Let's fight until there is nothing left of us.

I've had a while to think about this. I don't think you care about me. I don't think you'll wonder how I am doing like I wonder for you. That's okay though because I don't want to force anything. All I ever wanted was for you text me first and ask me how I am doing. That's all I wanted. You didn't, and wouldn't ever. So thank you for everything. I just can't keep crying over you. Because no matter what I'll always want to hold you forever, and that's impossible. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I would have changed your life, I would have been the one that made you feel like the prettiest girl in any room. I wish you the best of luck. I did everything I could to help you see the light. I'm all out of tears for you.

Eventually, I bet that we
Could have made this work
And probably woulda figured things out
But I guess that I'm a letdown
But it's cool, I checked out
Oh, you wanna be friends now?
Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now
Sit around and talk about the good times
That didn't even happen
I mean, why are you laughing?
Must have missed that joke
Let me see if I can find a reaction
No, but at least you're happy