Volcanoes and Tornadoes.

I don't know what this world has in store for me. Everyday is a new adventure I don't feel like taking. The past is marked with pain and the future is stained with anger. I can't tell you how it really is, but I can tell you how it feels. I can't seem to separate the things that are in and out of my control. I lose consciousness every time I see her. I don't know what I'm doing when I read her words. I don't know why I can't realize what I have now. Maybe that's why they call it heartbreak. Heartbreak is something that takes an eternity to heal, if ever. I saw the first girl to ever break my heart today. I thought I was gonna break down; but I didn't. I looked at her as if she never caused my first suicide attempt. I found that to be interesting. I am also over Danielle, my first "love". I don't have emotions toward them anymore. I still can't seem to get over Erika. I have no idea why. But I think I just need time. I have a great girlfriend now that loves me for me and I will realize what I have soon, hopefully. I just want a stable life for once. Everything is too much for my own good. My lungs are torn and my heart is broken. So, this blog ends on a note. A note of a volcano meeting a tornado. Where only one will survive. Only time can tell.

Please Come Back Home.

I can't stand this. If she ever comes back home I'm gonna tie her to this bed and set this house on fire. I will stand there and watch her burn. She will burn along with the years of pain and anguish. It's amazing how you can go from loving someone to not being able to fucking stand them the next day. Maybe that's what happens when hurricane meets harbor. When both claim to save us. In amidst the wreckage, is the love that once fueled our hearts and ignited my lungs. But I will continue to fight until I cannot anymore. I will push through this storm with the knife in my chest. As long as the world lets me, I will ruin what curse you put on me. You used, amused, and murdered my life, but that's over. You fucked up now. You live your life. Hook up with as many guys as you want. Do it as I fight for this country. Feel when I die for a cause you never knew existed. So please come back home; leave your bags on the sidewalk, because you won't need them where you are going.

The Way You Lie.

I'm suffering. I can't move or speak. I'm looking at my life. I don't know what there is anymore. I want to return home, to a place where I feel safe. I hate it here. Everything reminds me of the past. I want to die every time I lay down. I want to set this house on fire and watch me burn in flames. I want to feel the fire seep into my veins and explode my heart. It will hurt so bad, but that's alright, because I like the way it hurts. This is all my fault. This is something I cannot undue. This is the story of a deadman. From the beginning to the end, It's led to this moment. The moment when soul departs from body, Lifts into space, and flies away. My body is motionless, frozen by fear, Taught by pain. There will be no next time, don't you hear sincerity in these words? She fucking hates me, and I love it. I feel like Superman with the wind at my back. Nothing can save me from this fate. I am dying. Tell me sweet nothings. Tell me stories about men who have overcame perils in history. Tell me about people who have survived tragedy. Explain hope and how "God" makes things new. Because I love the way you lie.

Gives You Hell.

I heard writing can free a soul of troubles....so I have became overcome with sadness. I don't know why I can't let this thought in my head go away. This thought that I actually meant something to them. I don't know why I just look at her Twitter but I do. I know that we will never be together and that we would never work out but I can't stop my mind from wandering. I hate being so curious. I knew her for almost 4 years. That's a long time to know someone and just all of a sudden stop talking to them. I miss her, i do, but my life is better without her. I can breathe with my lungs and not my heart. My heart is still too weak to breathe. It's been battered by storms and horizons. I guess she's a strong girl after all. Its been about 5 months and shes still in my head, like a leech to skin. But she never cared, never loved, or even wanted to be with me. I realize it now. I was just something to pass the time. She's back to drinking, partying, smoking, and now hooking up with random guys. It's fine though, because I was the only person in her life that cared about her. So, now that I'm gone, she can throw her life away. I don't care. So, Erika, we've reached this point in our lives where we will never see/speak to each other ever again. I will not waver in my resolve. I will not falter in my being. I will not let you be the reason I die. You are a myth, a myth that was told to me over the last 3 or so years by the Devil. I have someone else. Someone that cares and loves me more than you ever showed. I spent too much time and money on you; things you did not deserve. Although I say these things, I know you will always have a place in my head. I hope that when you think of me you are saddened. Saddened at what you lost. I hope it gives you hell.



P.S. Finally, In about a month or so I will be enlisting into the Army. It's a long time overdue and I hope this time it works out.