Alone

It's funny how I can put I'm sad/depressed on Facebook or anything and  no one cares. I don't do it for attention. I just want someone to give a fuck and talk to me. I need interaction to keep my sanity. Oh well, I guess I'm all alone still.

Waiting For The End

I feel so alone.

If I Had You

I do not believe in me being in a relationship that will last anymore. I believe that I was only meant to be with Ronni. The happiness she gave me was incredible. I dreamt of her every night. She even almost made me non existent in life. I only want to be with her. I will always be alone if I can't have her. Seeing her makes my heart stop. She has grace beyond her years, and beauty supreme of all others. I miss her so much. I never even had a chance.  If I had you, life would be worth it.

Facebook

Facebook is depressing. Nothing really good comes from it, to me at least. All I get to see if other people hanging out with other people and girlfriends/boyfriends. It's not really the best place for a depressed no life like me. I wish I had friends though. I wish my anxiety didn't make me stay inside. But I've grown pretty comfortable with the fact that I'm alone, and that it's best if I have no one.

Relationships.

I think I want to be alone, at least for now. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for a relationship, that's why I find myself only having "hookups". I mean in 6 months I'm gone anyways, but still, I'm scared to be in a relationship now. I know that it will never last. You have to go into a relationship with a positive mindset and I don't. I would just ruin it like I always have. So maybe down the road I'll be with someone. Maybe not. I'll just have to wait and see.

True Bond

I feel distant. As if I am on a different world.  I want to be on earth though. I want to experience love. I want to see what dreams are made of. I want a fix in those heroin eyes. All these things I want but I can't have. Even though I'm leaving in 6 months I want to feel a bond with someone. I think that's what humans need. I think that is the meaning of life. To find someone that you feel so comfortable with that nothing can break it. Whether its a boyfriend, girlfriend, family, or even a pet. Something that makes you want to wake up in the morning and not just whither away into nothingness. I have yet to feel that bond, so maybe it's not the truth. But to me, it sounds pretty damn good. I want to do something amazing. Something that can't be found in words or pictures. I can't seem to figure out what that is yet. Hopefully I will, but nothing in life is guaranteed. I've met some pretty amazing people in my life and circumstances have broke us apart. I wish I could do over everything. I could do so much better. But what would mistakes mean if they were never made? So I sit here, contemplating my life, Wondering what life has in store for me now. Feel free to experience life with me. I'm sure it will be worth your time. I'm sure we can develop a true bond.