Purpose For The Pain

My days are scattered, my nights troubled. I don't know how each day is going to be. I want to be able to know what each day will bring me. I guess that is the beauty of life.  Mia is my best friend. And even though every day is a struggle she is always there. I feel now that there actually might be a purpose for the pain. I cannot thank her enough. I sometimes feel bad that she has to listen to me. I think eventually she will get tired of it. I hope not. But regardless she is amazing. I have never had that good of a friend before. I don't know where i will be in the next week or even day but i hope she is here with me. I have writers block right now so ill talk more later. I love you Mia. I hope that whatever you do with your life, i am there to experience it with you. You are a great friend.....Actually i am going to continue writing. Its about five minutes after i last wrote. I have been overcome with sadness in a matter of seconds. I hate depression. I wish i didn't have it. But who would want it? I guess i am not alone. I find myself hurt every time i think of this situation. I can't keep pretending that i don't care. I can't do it! I am so tired. Why can't i be happy. Why can't someone love me? I hate myself. I don't care about myself anymore. I am going to drink and smoke myself to death. Maybe a sad song will make you remember me someday. I have always just wanted one thing. And yet you never let that happen. Please, I just want to be like him.