Scream

I am back to where i was a week ago. But now I'm even worse. I don't know whats happening. I can't catch a break. Everything is turning worse and worse. I can't believe that you can't give me what will save this life. I want to be just like him. I want to feel your love to him that should go to me. I want to love you, just like he did. I am sitting here crying while you are sleeping so soundly. I am trying to take my life while you are kissing him. I can't take this anymore. Why do i still insist on believing my life has a meaningful existence? "Ethan, just give up, it's okay. You were never meant to have a good life, it will be alright soon." And you say "Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you. I hate God. I hate even thinking about him making things new. I am a broken man, born in a broken place. This love, has taken everything from me. Why can't you understand. Why can't you realize my problem, and solve it. You told me sweet everything's today. Everything's that turned to nothings. I dropped everything. I couldn't bare the weight that you had just dropped on me. I cant stop crying. "Why is blood coming out of my eyes?" There is no sense in staying in this place i once felt safe in. I realized when you are all alone, faced with death, you tend to grab the devils arm, and follow him. I am nothing without you, yet you fail to be what i need most. You say i hurt you when i say these things; you say you care about me. Yet, you are the one that is happy, and he is the one that gets to call you his love. This world is so unperfect, and this love, it is so unworth it. I can't believe i let myself believe that i was worth anything to you. I don't deserve a chance. I am pathetic. I will never be anything. You say you believe in fate. I do now also. And my fate will come down to its last days soon. And finally, i can do it. No one can save me anymore. You were my last hope. My fate has been sealed. This will be the death of me. The scars that people will see will have your name written all over them. I want to sleep, but there are nightmares when i try. I want to scream. I want this to be just a dream. I want to wake up and be just out of my mother's womb. I want to start over. But that won't happen. I wish this could have a fairytale ending. But the wind is blowing; the sun is rising. There are birds circling above me; i know the reason why. I get grabbed by someone. They hang me up on a gallery wall. I am hanging by my last thread of my heart. I cannot get down. And a second before i drop. I think of you; and i scream my loudest.