Happiness Is A Myth

It September 26th. I have a girlfriend now. and a car. but I'm still miserable. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think I'm meant to be alone. Every time I'm with someone I'm miserable still. I don't get it. I still wanna die. I hate my life. I have everything i need and want yet i still hate myself. What kind of life is that? I want her to talk to me like i mean something to her. Its only been a short time but i need her. I'm dependent on her already. I don't want to be but i find myself begging for her attention. I want her to be something that i once dream of my girlfriend being. I want her too need me as much as i need her. I don't want to breathe. I don't want to experience another lie. I don't want to be hurt anymore. Death is my only escape. I have been wrong all along. My.Live.Means.Nothing. No one can save me. I know it has truth now. I will forever be alone. I prefer it that way. I want to feel the life drain out of my body. I want to feel the pain and suffering from 3 years hit me all at once. I want my scars to re open. I want the blood to spill out of my mouth. I want to die.