The Value Of Sex

So i feel distraught right now and so I'm going to write....well type i guess. I hate when people have what i need. My friend, well i don't know what she is anymore to be honest. Shes not a bad person, not at all. She is a great person. I mean she is beautiful and more interesting than anyone i know. But i just don't think i can have friends anymore. Anyways, she was just telling me why she didn't text me the other day at all. Well, she was having sex with her boyfriend. Its not fair. I'm not going to say i need sex. I don't think anyone does. But i am really depressed about the fact that i don't have someone to even think about having sex with. Its been more than a year since i last had sex. I guess you can call it jealously. I have a lot of jealously. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to decrease the value of sex. I really don't. I just need that kind of emotional stuff. I'm tried of waiting for Sam to make up her god damn mind and realize I'm best for her. I'm tired of acting like i have any real friends. I'm done with the lies. I'm done with me being thrown around like a fucking rag-doll. I cant let anyone close to me again. I wont get fucked over, no not again. I cant deal with wanting a girl so much, but who loves another guy. I just want to be happy. Even though i believe happiness is a myth. I believe that even myths can come true. I hope it does. Probably not, seeing as how its been three and a half years since I've even been remotely content with myself. I need someone. Even though that person will never come along and probably wont help me. I wish i died a couple nights ago with that overdose. I wish there were more pills in the box. If only there were more i wouldn't be here. Damn, that would be great. On other news, I'm talking to my dad tomorrow for the first time in about a year. So much has happened and i don't know what I'm going to say. I mean he hasn't even tried to help me through this darkness. I don't want to blame him. I just want to tell him how i feel about everything. Ill let you guys know how it ends up.